


Harvey Kinkle: Consummate Coward

by lielabell



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Self Confidence Issues, emotions are hard, introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 14:30:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16641987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lielabell/pseuds/lielabell
Summary: Define: coward:Result One:cow·ard/ˈkou(ə)rd/noun:1. a person who lacks the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things.synonyms:weakling, milksop, namby-pamby, mouseadjective1. excessively afraid of danger or pain.Result Two:Harvey Kinkle





	Harvey Kinkle: Consummate Coward

**Author's Note:**

> Did not expect my first fic in *mumbles* years to be a character study of a somewhat bland love interest. But here we are, so... hope you enjoy it? *laughs*
> 
> All the thanks in the world to Nokomis for the hand holding and beta. <3 <3 <3

The thing about Harvey is that he is, and always has been, a grade A coward. But not for any of the reasons his father accuses him of. 

Yeah, sure, he saw something creepy in the mines when he was a kid, and yeah, sure, it did mess with his head enough to make him have panic attacks for years afterward. But that, he feels, is a perfectly normal response, given the circumstance. 

Anyone who saw what he saw would react the same. Just look at Uncle Jesse. That's all the proof Harvey ever needs, really. Uncle Jesse saw the same thing he did and lost his mind. Harvey’s own response? Isn’t at all out of line when compared to that. Perfectly, reasonable, actually. And anyone who says otherwise is all kinds of wrong. 

So, yeah. Not a coward for that at all. 

But ever since he can remember his father has been shouting that word at him. And every time he does, Harvey's wanted to be able to scream back that he isn't a chickenshit coward, but... well. Thing is, he googled “define: coward” and the result? Matched him to a tee. Which sucked. Hardcore. So then he had to figure out the root of it, sort out why he's a coward. Because that's the kind of guy Harvey is. The kind that worries and worries at a thing until he's got an answer. And the answer he came up with? He's terrified of not being good enough. 

He's just... so average. 

Harvey's not super driven like Sabrina or bitingly clever like Ambrose or movie star handsome like that Nick character. And, okay, they are all magical beings or whatever, so he might get a pass for not meeting their standards, but Roz and Susie? They are human just like he is and compared to them? Yeah. Harvey's got nothing at all. 

He’s not brave enough to stand up to football players like Susie. In fact, he told her not to do that at all and was shocked that Sabrina and Roz didn’t instantly agree with him. Instead, they formed that WICCA club, which only led to more trouble, not that Susie backed down from that at all. She took on four football players. Four. 

Harvey wouldn’t be able to stand up even to one football player. Just the thought of being hit makes his stomach cramp. But Susie didn’t care about that. All she cared about was upsetting her father after the fact. And not for any of the reasons that Harvey worries about upsetting his father, Susie’s dad doesn’t… He’s not like Harvey’s dad at all. She wasn't concerned about hiding bruises or trying to walk without a limp for a week or anything like that. She was just concerned about disappointing him in the normal sort of ways.

And Roz, god, she’s so brave. The way she stood up for her right to read whatever she likes, that is flat impressive. Harvey can’t help but admire her. She saw an injustice in the world and instantly decided to confront it, no matter what the personal cost to herself might be. And, yeah, sure some of it was motivated by her loss of vision, but that doesn’t make it any less amazing. 

Plus, that loss of vision thing? Roz is handling that like a boss. She doesn’t complain about it, she doesn’t let it get her down. She’s not sunk under a deep depression the way Harvey knows he would be. No. She’s out there living her best life, getting as much in as she can. She’s smiling and laughing and trying to change the whole world. Or at least Greendale. Who wouldn’t admire that?

And then there’s Harvey. He’s nothing like that at all. He’s just… him.

Your typical boy next door with a solid C grade point average, so-so social skills, and middle of the road looks. There is nothing really interesting about it, when you get down to it. And he’s terrified that Sabrina, beautiful, talented, capable Sabrina, will wake up to that fact any moment now. 

How can she not, when she herself is so much more, so beyond him in all ways. 

Even before he found out she was a super powerful witch, he lived with constant fear of her texting him “yeah, I’m done now loser” and walking away without looking back. 

Which is why he’s not exactly talking to her now. Because… Because she _is_ a witch. And not just any witch, but, like, the Harry Potter of her coven. The Chosen One. Or something. 

And what is Harvey again? Oh, that’s right. The boring AF high school sweetheart who she only ever really liked because there wasn’t that big of a pool to select from. I mean, when you get down to it, his main appeal is that he’s not homophobic or racist, like the majority of the school's cool guys are, and he can actually speak somewhat intelligently on subjects she interested in. Although, honestly, that’s only because he spends hours googling concepts she brings up and even then he sometimes doesn't get what she’s talking about.

So it was better, really, to just let it end here. While she still wanted him. Before she had the chance to really think about things and end it herself. 

And, sure, it was cowardly to let her believe it was because of her hiding the truth from him instead of him just wanting to end it first, with his dignity still intact. But, well. He said from the start he was a coward, didn’t he? 

Honestly, how can he be expected to face hard truths where the girl he loves is concerned when he can’t even bear the thought of rejection to the point that he flat out refuses to show his best art to anyone?

Sure, he’s has let a few people look at his art books, runs an art blog on Tumblr, and vaguely dreams of a future where he does something with it, But does he pursue it? Does he put his best pieces out there for the whole world to see? 

Nope. Not at all. 

And why is that? 

Basic fear of rejection. Of being told “naw, not good enough” and shown the door. 

His art is his only claim to fame. Harvey has skill. Not super amazing, millions of followers on Instagram skill, but enough for a couple thousand Tumblr followers for sure. And he could do something with it. Start a webcomic or produce high-quality fanart on a commission basis or something. But does he? 

Again, nope. Not at all. 

It's too exposing. Too full of everything he doesn’t want to acknowledge. 

It’s all there in black and white. His fear and love and hate all laid out in number two pencil.

Beautifully detailed pictures of Sabrina, drawn as a badass superhero, her favorite red coat turned into a cape, her quaint, old-fashioned dressed morphed into a skin-tight bodysuit topped with a prim peter pan collar and a lacey half mask. 

She’s so strong, capable. Fighting for the rights of others and always, always saving the day. 

An idealized version, he knows, but still somehow an accurate depiction of her as well. 

Even more than he knew when he drew it, seeing as how she’s The Chosen One. 

_The Chosen One._

And he… He isn’t anything really. Nothing but a chickenshit coward who cries at night, his hand clamped tightly over his mouth so no sound comes out, wishing he was anything other than what he is. 

Harvey wishes for so many things. Well, so many things that all boil down to one thing, really. 

That he was braver.

Brave enough able to stand up to his asshole father. Not so afraid of the shouting and the fast crack of a fist. 

Brave enough to tell his brother to pursue his dreams, not stick around their two-horse town, slaving away in the mines, when he had a full ride and the ability to make something more of himself. 

Brave enough to be honest with Sabrina about why he’s angry with her. Tell her outright that he thinks he can’t cope with her grimdark lifestyle and the fact that she’s part witch. Not because it’s anything truly horrific, but because he’s freaking so much more outclassed by her than he ever thought he was, with all that Chosen One stuff added into the mix. 

But he can’t say that. He can't bear to be seen. To be known on that level. To have her give him that sweet smile of her, cup his cheek with her hand, and say she understands with pity in her beautiful eyes. 

So he ignores the texts she sends. He lets her calls go straight to voicemail. He sits in his room, letting his thoughts feaster and rot until all he can think is that she’s better off. He’s better off. Let it go. Let it die. Let her fall in the arms of that male witch? Warlock? Whatever. Nick. Let her fall in the arms of Nick and live happily ever after with him at her side. 

Why not. What’s to keep that from happening other than her misguided attachment to him?

Harvey Kinkle, consummate coward. High school sweetheart from a two-horse town with nothing amazing to offer her. Nothing impressive enough to tempt her to stay long term. Nothing but his undying love and endless affection. And… 

And hope. 

God, he’s got so much hope. 

Hope that one day he’ll stand up to his fear, that he’ll overcome this ever-present need to hide in the shadows, to be small and unseen and overlooked. He wants to be a man she would admire, who would tell sexist football players where they can shove it and not be afraid to take a punch in the process. 

He sits in his room and scrolls back through her texts and hopes. 

Because maybe, maybe someday he’ll be more than what he is. Maybe he’ll be able to stand by her side and support her while she vanquishes the Dark Lord. Maybe one day he won’t be a chickenshit coward after all.


End file.
